3 Tips to Help You Communicate Better with Your Partner
Couples and communication go hand in hand. We often hear that communication is key, and that’s because it’s true. Couples who lack communication end up avoiding conflict or with an abundance of conflict. They often become discouraged, believing that their communication habits are unchangeable and unfixable.
It’s helpful to understand that conflict isn’t innately bad. Conflict is a way of coming to a meaningful understanding with one another that can benefit both of you. The key to this is making sure you’re communicating. That means establishing an effective, transparent, and clear two-way communication system with your partner.
3 Tips to Help You Communicate Better with Your Partner
You have the power to change how you communicate with one another. You can both learn how to better understand and speak to one another in ways that are respectful and compassionate. Here are three ways you can enhance your communication with your partner.
Repeat What They Said
When your partner is talking to you, it doesn’t matter about what, say it again in your own words. This shows them you’re actually mentally engaged in what they’re saying. This might mean repeating something they said about their day at work. It might also mean repeating something they’re posing to you as a problem.
In both scenarios, it’s equally important to show interest. This is the first step to open lines of communication. When you are trying to resolve a conflict, it is important. It not only shows them you’re listening. It also helps you better understand what they’re saying. By repeating it in your own words, you’re clarifying it for yourself and giving them an opportunity to amend your understanding.
Ask Questions
Get curious about what your partner is saying. This is especially important for couples who have been together for a long time. After we’ve been with someone for a while, we often think we know their thoughts. While we might know them very well, we can’t read their minds. It’s important to show that even though we know them well, we still want to know them better.
Ask questions about their day. Make them open-ended questions. You can do this on other topics too. Think you know their favorite movie? Ask them about their top ten. Then ask them to specify the genre. Think you know their favorite food? Talk to them about the different ways their favorite dish can be prepared.
Get Comfortable Speaking Softly
This is useful during a conflict. We all get a little carried away sometimes, especially when we’re upset. Understand that it’s a manifestation of how your partner is feeling. This doesn’t mean that all of that frustration is actually directed at you. Even if they’re perceiving a problem between you, it’s important to show that you want to find a resolution.
Much of the time, we get defensive in these situations. It’s instinctual to get louder, to want to feel heard, and want to defend our ego. It’s extremely important to acknowledge this as it’s happening and then lower your voice. Also, notice if they’re showing you frustrated body language. This might include cutting you off, avoiding eye contact, and heavy sighing. When you notice them getting frustrated, slow down. With what you’re saying, with your movements, and with your intensity. Let them meet you there instead of raising the intensity with them.
If You Need Help
Communication is hard. Many of us didn’t grow up with a prime example of what this is supposed to look like. It makes it difficult to model the behavior ourselves when we’ve never seen someone do it. A mental health professional is a great place to start if you feel you’re unable to get secure communication with your partner.
Couple’s therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis. It’s just like a yearly physical. Sometimes, we need to go to the doctor because we’re sick. Sometimes we need to go just to check-in. It’s okay to need to check in with a therapist as a couple. In fact, you’ll likely come away stronger for it.