Infidelity is a deep betrayal of trust and can have a devastating impact on a relationship. Even after a couple has worked through the initial pain and started the healing process, the betrayed partner can still have triggers that can bring back their past pain.

These triggers can come in many forms, such as seeing a particular place, a person, or even hearing a certain song. The good news is that there are ways to get past these infidelity triggers and move forward in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Here are three approaches you can take to cope with your infidelity triggers.

1. Have a plan for your triggers

It’s important to make a list of the things that distress you and remind you of the infidelity. Knowing your triggers is the first step to dealing with them. A trigger could be the smell of your partner’s cologne, the sight of their old text messages, or even the interior of their car. You might also be triggered by television shows and movies about infidelity or certain songs on the radio.

Make a comprehensive list of everything so you can make a plan to cope with them. You’ll need to accept that they’ll happen eventually, so confronting them head-on is the first step to reacting with less emotion (eventually). You might develop a mantra, meditation technique, or self-care tactic to handle these moments. Talk to your partner about these triggers and how they can help you deal with them the moment they occur as well. Listen to their input and work together on this plan—it’s another way you can rebuild trust.

2. Focus on yourself

In the aftermath of infidelity, you might feel like your entire life has been wrapped up in the drama of the relationship lately. Shift your focus: start prioritizing yourself. This involves living in the present moment. Do things that make you happy! Cook your favorite elaborate meals. Take solo day trips to places you haven’t been. Take up that hobby you’ve always wanted to try.

It’s important to also take care of your body by eating healthy, sleeping plenty, and getting enough exercise. Make taking care of your mental health and wellbeing your main task. By working on the relationship you have with yourself, you’ll have less room in your mind for the stress of the infidelity. And after all this internal work, you’ll be better prepared to be a good partner as well.

3. Talk things through with a counselor

The best way to work through a romantic grief like infidelity is with a licensed therapist. A therapist can provide a neutral, safe space for both partners to express their feelings and concerns. They can also help both partners work through any underlying issues that may have contributed to the infidelity. Together you’ll learn effective communication techniques and how to rebuild your trust and intimacy.

A therapist can also help both partners develop healthy coping mechanisms to deal with infidelity triggers. For example, you might work on mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, to help manage anxiety and stress. You’ll also be encouraged to develop your own sense of identity so that you view yourself as an important contributor to the relationship. Whether through individual or couples counseling, your therapist will give you a comprehensive treatment plan tailored to your situation.

Infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship. The choice to stay together and repair the partnership is the right path for many couples. To find out more about how marriage therapy can help you get past your infidelity triggers, please reach out to us.