In a partnership, good communication is the foundation for its success. For many people, it’s not a skill that comes easily! It’s important to think carefully about communication strategies that work for your unique needs as a couple.

Working through issues collaboratively rather than letting disagreements fester into resentment is crucial to keeping up a healthy relationship. This takes practice! Learning to be open, honest, and affirming is the key to strengthening your relationship into one that will last.

Here are four strategies you can use for healthier communication:

1. Check in on one another’s emotions throughout the day.

The pandemic, in particular, has shifted work habits and spaces, and many couples are in the same house all day. It’s best to be open and honest about your emotions so that you don’t explode on your partner after having a particularly stressful day at work.

When they’re more in the know about how you feel (and how your feelings change over the course of the day), you will communicate more effectively and find the right time to talk things over. It’s best to wait until your mood shifts to a calmer and more collected one before unloading or talking through an intense situation.

2. Shift to “I” statements.

The key is to train yourself away from accusatory “you” statements, which might come out more when you’re angry. Focus on articulating your feelings. It might be helpful to familiarize yourself (or print out!) with an emotion wheel, so you can find precise vocabulary for what you’re experiencing.

When it comes to conflict, be sure to say how this situation makes you feel, what you feel the other person could do to alleviate your frustration, and what you feel you both could work on together. This can help steer conversations from polarizing absolutisms—that black and white thinking that emerges with words like “always” and “never.”

These words and statements breed conflict as they invite defensiveness. Shift instead into the more personal space of emotion-based discussions.

3. Listen and affirm.

Conversations shouldn’t be one-way streets where your only goal is to get your partner to agree with you. When the time comes for an important discussion, be deliberate about how the conversation proceeds.

Give yourselves the space for each of you to talk through your perspectives without interruption. Set timers if you need to! Make it a goal to ask questions afterward, such as:

• “How does [this situation] make you feel?”

• “What can we do together to overcome this?”

• “What do you feel I could be doing differently?”

This will help clarify the other’s points and guide you to a productive resolution. The key is to avoid misunderstandings!

4. Discuss difficult topics while lying next to one another

It might feel a little silly, but the body has a much harder time getting into an argumentative mood while lying horizontally. On the floor, on a bed; anywhere flat should work. Try also touching each other while you’re speaking—a hand on the shoulder or the knee.

This helps create an intimate bond where body language is softened. A tense screaming match isn’t as easy to get into. You might find that you can actually hear one another more by engaging in this practice. Next time you and your partner get heated over a difficult topic, try saying, “What if we continued this argument on the floor?”

It might end up becoming a habit, and you’ll find the horizontal mode a more productive one for many of your conversations!

Remember, it takes practice!

Relationships go through phases. It’s okay to have disagreements and not always be on the same page. Effective communication tactics will benefit you both in the long run. Try these tips the next time you feel you and your partner aren’t quite understanding one another.

If you’re looking for marriage counseling to improve communication, reach out so you can maintain a healthy relationship.