“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”― Maya Angelou

So you are in a relationship that feels almost perfect. If the person would just not do “XYZ” behaviors, then it would be perfect. I get it. All the brain chemicals are firing, and you like this person. You want the relationship to work out with every fiber of your being. The search for a soul mate would be over, no more dating apps, no more awkward dates or nights alone.

People will show you who they are and, as Maya says, you just have to believe them. Don’t wait until the 12th time before you start believing that this is a true behavior of this person. You cannot afford to slip into magical thinking regarding what this person is really like. Nor can this person’s flaws be masked by the belief that they are good at heart, or they have a nice soul or that these shortcomings are not who they are at their core being.

1. They are disrespectful of you at almost every opportunity.

The path to a healthy relationship does not include second-class citizen slights. If they do not respect you now, there is little chance that they will later. Your partner should respect you and value your opinion. Having your partner respect you is vital for the long-term sustainability of the relationship.

2. They put their needs ahead of yours.

You seem like an afterthought. Fair and balanced is how this dance should be occurring, just like a see-saw. Each side should have respect and consideration for the other. If you are frequently giving in, you will grow to resent them for their actions.

3. They cheat on you repeatedly.

They cheated on their last partner. They cheated with you while they were still with their ex. They surround themselves with potential possible sexual mates as “friends”. This is not a person who wants a stable relationship.

4. They practice lies of omission as if they are the standard operating procedures.

They believe that by simply not telling you or by you not finding out that their behaviors are fine. If you did not see it, then it did not happen, except that it did happen. This type of person is not fully there for the relationship as they keep part of themselves held back and in a secret compartment.

5. They do not take responsibility for their mistakes.

People usually put their best foot forward during the initial stages of a relationship. Starting out with avoidance or blaming behaviors is not a good sign. If your partner is frequently not taking responsibility for their errors or changing the discussion back to you, then they are trying to win.

Heed these signals so that you don’t regret being in a relationship that was not a good match from the beginning. By listening to what people are showing you about them, you can make a clearer judgment regarding the relationship you want to have with them.

Please visit the marriage counseling page to learn more about how counseling could help your relationship, or if you have any questions, please fill out the form on the contact page.