Emotional neglect happens when one person disregards the other’s emotional needs. They may not respond to emotional appeals, lack empathy when they talk about their worries, and be inconsiderate of how the other person feels. Emotional neglect can be hard to identify.

Because there’s a lack of action on the part of the neglectful person, there’s nothing to really make note of. Their behavior isn’t obvious. The neglected party might feel invalidated, gaslit, and emotionally unsafe. But with proper intervention, you can repair an emotionally neglectful relationship.

Signs of emotional neglect

You feel lonely

In a romantic partnership, you should be able to find joyful moments together each day. If you’re feeling isolated and alone while living with another person, it’s a clear sign of emotional neglect.

You go to others before your partner

When you’re lacking an emotional connection, you don’t trust your partner to give advice or listen to your problems. Instead, you find yourself confiding in friends and close family.

You aren’t having sex

Sexual frequency waxes and wanes in a long-term relationship. But if you’re in a significant dry spell and you haven’t talked about it, then there’s little interest in sexual intimacy.

Without a deep emotional connection, the thought of sex with your partner might even become repulsive to you.

You’re fighting a lot more…or not at all

In an emotionally neglectful relationship, arguments can go one of two ways. Either everything you do leads to verbal conflict, and since you’re not communicating healthily, these fights can spiral out of control.

Or the other person is so checked out that they’re not even willing to discuss through potential conflicts.

You’re keeping more secrets

It’s normal to keep some things from your partner. Maintaining an interior life separate from the other person is crucial for a healthy relationship.

But if you’ve been hiding more and more from them—new friends at work, new goals, where you’re going in the evening, what’s weighing on you—that’s a sign you’re not comfortable being emotional with your partner.

So how can you reconnect?

Find what’s underneath

Ask yourself: is this neglectful behavior new, or did it exist from the beginning of the relationship? Was there a significant event that might have caused their behavior? If you can think back to, say, a death in the family or other traumatic event just before the neglect began, there could be an underlying mental health issue.

It’s possible your partner is depressed or struggling with their mental health, and getting to the root of it will help your relationship. If this dynamic has existed since the start of your relationship, that is a much bigger problem that should be tackled in therapy.

Talk about it by any means necessary

It might feel awkward and counterintuitive, but you need to lay your cards on the table. Tell your partner you feel you’ve been emotionally neglected. Use person-focused language and talk about specific instances and behaviors that have made you feel lonely, distressed, and unhappy.

Spend time together

Work to relight that spark that brought you together in the first place. Try going on new outings. Schedule time for the two of you to do something you love. Even if it feels forced at first, you might find new emotional connections.

See a couples therapist

In therapy, you can learn to reconnect and the emotionally neglectful partner can understand the damage their behavior can do. A therapist will talk you through how to emotionally respond to one another and communicate.

To learn more about how marriage counseling can help you repair the emotional neglect in your relationship, please reach out..