It’s normal for long-term relationships to lose passion when kids, work, and the humdrum of life’s responsibilities get in the way. But that doesn’t mean the spark is gone forever. When you both make building intimacy a priority, you’ll find you feel closer to one another than ever before.

Prioritize emotional intimacy, too

Intimacy doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. Sometimes, it’s easy to focus on sexual intimacy while ignoring the emotional foundations of a solid relationship. Work on communication and learn to be vulnerable with each other. Practice active listening and empathy during conflicts and regular day-to-day conversations. Be willing to share your hopes, dreams, vulnerabilities, fears, and fantasies.

Turn towards one another when you talk, and be receptive to your partner’s bids for attention. When you work on the deeper emotional connection between you, it’ll translate to increased intimacy.

Use positive language

One reason for an emotional disconnect and lack of intimacy is accusatory language and blaming each other. Instead of saying, “We never do this” or “You’re always putting me down,” try to focus on the emotions involved instead.

Turn defensiveness into articulating positive needs. “I’m feeling neglected because…” and “I would love it if we tried something new” is a way to invite your partner in. Show appreciation verbally when something goes right. Show empathy by affirming your partner’s feelings and listening to what they have to say.

Find ways to touch each other

One way of deepening both emotional and physical intimacy is non-sexual touching. Holding hands when you’re walking together. Cuddle during your movie sessions. Give each other back rubs when you’re stressed after a long day. Hug each other. But make sure sex isn’t on the table—that can put unwanted pressure during your everyday interactions.

Have date nights

Intimacy is built when you share new experiences. This is why the spark between you grew in the early months and years of the relationship. Make doing new things together a priority. Try out a new cooking class. Go a few towns over for dinner. Take day trips to places you haven’t seen. When you’re conscious about setting dates and treating the relationship like its young again, you’ll feel a deeper connection than ever.

Schedule sex

It’s easy for life to get in the way of sex. It might not sound very romantic, but scheduling sex can put it at the forefront of your mind. That way, you both have time to turn off the notifications, make plans, and even engage in foreplay outside the bedroom.

By scheduling sex, you can allow tension to build each day or week. Consider attaching it to a special date night or day trip.

Talk about love languages

There are plenty of quizzes online for determining your love language. Does your partner need acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, or quality time together to feel love in the relationship?

When you talk about what each of you needs from the other to feel appreciated and wanted, you’ll be better equipped to respond appropriately in times of conflict and show how much you love them day to day.

Does your relationship need help?

Not all intimacy issues can be resolved on their own. If you’re struggling to communicate, be vulnerable with each other, or are constantly butting heads, couples therapy can help. A therapist can guide you towards behaviors that will increase your intimacy and look at where your relationship needs the most attention. When both of you make the commitment to work on the relationship, you’ll feel closer than ever.

To find out more about how therapy can help increase the intimacy in your relationship, please reach out to us for couples or marriage counseling.