Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, but when one partner has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), the relationship might experience unique challenges. ADHD affects a person's ability to concentrate, stay organized, and regulate their emotions, which can negatively affect how they communicate with their partner.

However, with patience, understanding, and good communication strategies, you can cultivate trust and understanding in your relationship.

Practice active listening.

Active listening is a crucial skill for every relationship, romantic or platonic. With an ADHD partner, active listening is the key to effective communication. It involves giving your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and focusing on what they are saying without interrupting or jumping to conclusions.

When they’re done making their point, ask clarifying questions or sum up what they’re saying in your own words to avoid misunderstandings. By listening attentively, you show that you respect and validate their thoughts and feelings, which can create a safe and open space for effective communication.

Be specific and clear with your needs.

People with ADHD often struggle with processing information and maintaining focus. To help your partner better understand and retain what you say, it’s essential to be obvious and clear in your communication. Break down complex ideas into smaller, more manageable parts.

Use simple and straightforward language and avoid vague or abstract terms. You might even consider writing down your most important points. Don’t expect someone to magically understand the subtext of what you’re saying or read your mind, especially if your partner has ADHD.

Write down schedules and important deadlines.

Visual cues and written reminders are highly valuable communication tools for people with ADHD. Consider using calendars, to-do lists, sticky notes, or digital reminders to help your partner stay organized and remember important appointments and deadlines. By relying on visual aids, you provide tangible support and reduce the likelihood of forgetting something big.

Create a communication routine.

Make it a priority to check in, talk through important issues, and plan big things coming up. Instead of leaving these heavily conversations to chance, you’re scheduling and outlining them. By setting these routines, you provide structure and reduce uncertainty, which can be particularly helpful for a partner with ADHD.

Also, this communication strategy helps ensure that both partners have an opportunity to be heard and that important topics are not left out of the conversation.

Encourage active participation in conversations.

Ask your partner open-ended questions and seek their input instead of bulldozing them. When they feel engaged and involved, it can increase their sense of contribution and self-worth in the relationship.

It’s easy to feel like you’re the one putting all the hard work into your communication, but having ADHD can make interpersonal relationships very complicated. Make sure your partner knows they’re valued and appreciated.

Be empathetic.

When your communication is challenging, it’s important to approach it with patience and empathy. Recognize that your partner’s difficulties in focusing or impulsivity are not intentional. Avoid blaming or criticizing their behaviors; instead, offer support and reassurance. When you show them patience and understanding, your partner is more likely to open up and meet your emotional needs.

Seek help in therapy.

If you’re still feeling frustrated by your communication issues, the challenges posed by ADHD may require professional help. Encourage your partner to seek therapy or counseling specifically tailored to those with ADHD. A trained professional can help them develop coping strategies, improve communication skills, and manage their symptoms effectively. Couples therapy can also provide a safe space for you both to address your communication issues and work towards a healthier relationship dynamic.

To learn more about how marriage or couples therapy can help you communicate with your ADHD partner, please reach out.