Relationships take work. It’s easy to fall into autopilot mode, where the two of you are just going about your daily routines. When this happens, you might only be engaging in small talk and rarely having a real emotional connection. Good communication is built on daily interactions done with intention. When you both make the effort to have moments of connection, you’ll build a stronger bond between you.

Here are some things you can do to improve communication with your partner.

Have relationship check-ins

When is the last time you asked your partner how they feel about your relationship? While it might be awkward at first, it’s important to keep up these lighthearted check-ins so you know when you’re not on the same page.

When that happens, you can schedule a more intense conversation or perhaps see a therapist together. Do the same with your days. Check-ins don’t have to always be serious. But keep the dialogue open for more emotional conversations to come later.

Practice engaged listening

When talking with your partner, you should both give your full attention to the conversation. This means facing toward one another, making eye contact, and paying attention to how your body language is nonverbally communicating.

For example, if you find yourself often shaking your head, that might make you seem dismissive when they’re speaking. You should also eliminate distractions such as cell phones when you’re trying to talk. Even if it’s just for an hour over dinner, making time to speak to one another without multitasking will show you’re meaningfully engaging one another.

Pre-plan for stressful times

When you know you have a big project coming up at work, make a plan ahead. If you’re the person who does the laundry, have a conversation with your partner. That week you probably won’t get to it, so maybe they need to step up and shoulder more responsibility for this short amount of time.

When similar stressors come up for your partner, you can do the same. When you plan for those moments when your home will be particularly tense, you can take some of the pressure off.

Talk about sex

Sex in relationships is important. But it’s not just frequency that matters—having a dialogue about the sex you’re having and want to have is crucial. Being open about your fantasies and desires (and doing the same for your partner) is a sign of healthy communication. Also, be aware of how you communicate during sex, either verbally or nonverbally. Look for ways to communicate in all areas of your relationship!

Compliment one another

The longer you’re with someone, the easier it is to let compliments fall by the wayside. Instead of pointing out annoyances or grievances, try to find new ways of flirting with one another.

Incorporate physical touches, like caressing and hugging, as you communicate throughout the day. Tell your partner when they look nice or cooked a particularly delicious meal. The same goes for highlighting each other’s successes, big and small. Be sure to cheer on your partner when they make that promotion or finish the 5k they’ve been training for.

Go outside

Take walks together. Go on hikes. At the very least, change up your scenery. When you leave the house, you’ll be less inclined to watch television or look at social media. Even talking together about the interesting things you encounter outside, like birds or a rainbow, can change up your communication style and get you out of the rut of small talk.

Ask for help

If you or your partner are struggling to bridge the gap and find real connection again, it might be time to talk to a couple’s counselor. A therapist can mediate your conversations and give you personalized strategies for rebuilding your relationship.

To find out more about how marriage counseling can help you strengthen your relationship and foster healthy communication, please reach out.