Therapy is an essential tool for couples looking to address and overcome their relationship issues. It provides a safe and supportive space where couples can communicate their feelings and work towards the shared goal of strengthening the partnership.

But therapy isn’t always easy, and sometimes couples may find themselves in disagreements during therapy sessions. So, what happens if you and your partner fight during therapy?

Is it normal to fight during couples therapy?

Absolutely. Arguing is a fact of life in any relationship, even healthy ones. In fact, the neutral space of a therapy session is one of the best places to have an argument. While you may worry about what your therapist will think of you, the truth is they’ve seen it all before. It’s important to be authentic in your sessions and avoid masking your issues.

During an argument, your therapist might even get a glimpse at the more toxic aspects of your communication patterns. If you’re especially worried about fighting in front of your therapist, bring it up beforehand. Together you can make a plan for how the three of you will approach your conflicts and can make the prospect of fighting itself less stressful.

What will your therapist do?

When your therapist witnesses a fight in the moment, they’ll be better able to advise you on how you should adjust the way you approach conflict. Their role is to help both partners identify the argument’s underlying issues and communicate through it effectively.

They will work to help you and your partner understand each other’s perspectives, needs, and feelings. By facilitating open and honest communication, your therapist can help you and your partner work towards a resolution that benefits both of you. Their goal is to get you to work towards intimacy and understanding.

However, if the fighting becomes too intense or frequent, it can actually hinder the therapy process. In this case, the therapist may need to take a break from the session or explore alternative methods to address the issues at hand.

Things to keep in mind in the moment

Take a step back and reassess

If you and your partner get overwhelmed in a session, pause for a beat. Take a deep breath and try to identify the root cause of the conflict. What triggered the argument? What are the underlying feelings and needs that are not being met? By taking the time to reflect on these questions, you and your partner can better understand each other's perspectives and work towards a resolution.

Always practice active listening

This means giving your partner your full attention, refraining from interrupting them, and summarizing what they are saying to ensure that you’re understanding them correctly. Active listening can help to deescalate conflicts and promote effective communication. Your therapist will work with you on building solid active listening techniques.

Remember, therapy isn’t a one-time-fix

If you’re feeling frustrated by fighting in therapy, give yourself some perspective. It takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners to work through relationship issues. It’s common for couples to experience setbacks during the therapy process. However, with the help of a trained professional, you both can work towards a stronger and healthier relationship.

Should you see a couples therapist?

Many couples choose to seek therapy when they feel they’ve hit a breaking point. In reality, if you’re struggling with conflicts lately but your relationship isn’t falling apart, it might still be a good idea to involve a professional. If you’re frequently fighting in and out of therapy, a therapist can help you reassess the relationship and explore how to engage in conflict in an appropriate way.

To learn more about how marriage counseling can help couples learn to argue better, please reach out to us.