If you’re looking for couples therapy, you might not know where to start. Even if you’re familiar with individual approaches to therapy, couples therapy is a whole new arena. One approach many couples find success with is the Gottman Method. The Gottman Method is a researched therapeutic approach designed to help couples navigate the challenges of their relationships, build a strong foundation, and create new meaning together.

A brief overview of the Gottman Method

Developed by renowned psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach that draws on decades of observational research and clinical practice.

Through their extensive research at the Gottman Institute, they’ve identified key factors that contribute to both the success and failure of relationships. The approach is grounded in the practice of identifying and addressing negative patterns while fostering positive interactions. By improving communication skills, couples can resolve conflicts and create a deeper connection with their partners.

The Sound Relationship House relationship theory

Central to the Gottman Method is the concept of the "Sound Relationship House." Just as a strong house requires a solid foundation, a healthy relationship requires certain fundamental elements of “floors” and “walls.” These elements, which you develop in therapy, include:

• Build love maps: This involves knowing the intricacies of your partner’s inner world—their dreams, fears, and hopes. Building and maintaining "love maps" helps couples stay attuned to each other’s emotional worlds.

• Share fondness: It’s important to verbally affirm your partner and let them know you appreciate them. Part of deepening communication means articulating the reasons you love your partner in spite of your issues.

• Turn towards instead of away: Small, everyday interactions are what make up relationships. Responding positively to your partner’s bids for attention, even in seemingly minor situations, will give you a deeper emotional connection.

• The positive perspective: Successful couples tend to view each other’s actions and intentions in a positive light. This perspective allows for reduced negativity and more generous assumptions about your motivations.

• Manage conflict: Conflicts are inevitable in all relationships, but how they’re managed makes all the difference. The Gottman Method teaches you effective strategies for addressing disagreements (particularly with perpetual conflicts) while maintaining emotional closeness.

• Make life dreams come true: Supporting each other’s aspirations and dreams strengthens the bond between partners, creating a sense of unity and shared purpose in your relationship.

• Create shared meaning: Couples who have a strong sense of shared purpose often weather challenges better. The method encourages you to explore and develop shared rituals and values to create something new with your relationship.

The therapist’s role in the Gottman Method

In the Gottman Method, therapists are trained to assess the unique dynamics within a relationship. As they identify problematic patterns, they’ll provide tailored interventions to address your specific issues.

Through a combination of assessment tools, open discussions, and targeted exercises, therapists assist couples in recognizing the toxic behaviors that are eroding their relationship’s foundation. By addressing these behaviors head-on and learning healthier alternatives, couples can break free from their destructive communication cycles and begin building a more positive, supportive partnership.

Are you ready to try the Gottman Method?

Perhaps your relationship is in crisis. Maybe you’ve discovered an infidelity and have both decided to keep and heal the relationship. Or you’re finding yourself in constant conflict and neither side can truly listen to the other. Emotional distance you can’t seem to cross is its own relationship crisis. If so, it’s time for couples therapy to give your relationship the attention it needs.

That being said, some couples who are doing well but simply want to know each other better and form a stronger bond benefit from the Gottman Method. Therapy can help you embark on a journey towards a more emotionally connected, fulfilling partnership.

To find out more about how to start the Gottman Method, please reach out to us to learn more about marriage counseling.