Infidelity is traumatic. Often, it’s too damaging for a relationship to survive it. Even though emotional infidelity doesn’t involve physical contact, the harm done to the faithful partner is much the same.

But recovering after an affair is still possible, with intention, time, and effort. It’s up to both of you to change how you’re communicating, compromise, and rebuild trust with one another.

What is emotional infidelity?

An emotional affair is when a platonic friendship or work relationship crosses a boundary. This looks very much like a traditional affair. Emotional infidelity still involves secrecy, inappropriate and intimate conversations, and prioritizing the affair partner over the primary one. Even though there’s no sexual contact, sexual tension often plays a major role.

There may be an exchanging of gifts and constant communication over text or email. The unfaithful partner looks forward to seeing their affair partner more than working on things at home. When it comes to light, the hurt partner will feel much the same way they would if they found out there’d been sexual encounters.

Here’s how you can begin your road to recovering the relationship.

Rebuild trust through honesty

The most important thing to address as you move past infidelity is rebuilding the trust that was lost. This means cutting the affair partner out of your life, accounting for your time, and openly admitting to your faults.

Expressing remorse goes a long way to showing your partner you’re beginning to re-prioritize them. However, don’t expect trust to happen overnight. It takes time to show one another that you’re still invested in the relationship.

Communicate in healthy ways

Much like rebuilding trust, you’ll need to find better ways of communicating with each other. Speak openly about the emotions you’re both cycling through. Shame, guilt, anger, resentment, regret, and depression are all feelings you might experience. Using I-centered language (“I feel ashamed that you looked for comfort outside our relationship”) puts your personal experience at the forefront rather than accusing and blaming one another.

When either party sees what you’re both going through, you’re more likely to emerge from this more emotionally bonded. Be open to setting new boundaries. For example, the hurt partner might need to have some space away for a while to feel their feelings. This is normal. Respecting one another’s boundaries is an important part of healthy communication.

Make space for intimacy

One or both of you probably felt like you’d lost the “spark” in your relationship, even before the infidelity. It’s easy to get stuck into a routine and de-prioritize intimacy as a relationship goes on. After an affair, it can feel awkward or even frustrating to get back into romance and intimacy. But it’s crucial that you begin to make time for one another and do new things together.

Try acting like you did at the beginning of your relationships. Go on dates to somewhere you’ve never been. Plan a weekend getaway. Take a pottery class together. You don’t need to jump right back into sexual intimacy. Instead, gradually build up to that by doing activities that’ll bring you closer together.

Go to couples counseling

Talking things through in a therapist’s office is one of the best ways to relearn how to interact with one another. In the neutral ground of your counseling sessions, your therapist can coach you through better communication strategies. They can also help you explore the root cause of the infidelity so that you’re better able to address your issues before they get to the point of stepping outside the relationship.

To learn more about how therapy can help you and your partner recover from emotional infidelity, please reach out for marriage counseling.