Relationship trauma can leave deep, lasting wounds. Whether you went through betrayal, neglect, emotional abuse, or the sudden loss of a loved one, relationship trauma can affect how you perceive yourself, others, and future relationships. Here’s how to take your first steps toward the healing process.

What is relationship trauma?

Relationship trauma happens when an important person in your life—be it a partner, parent, friend, or sibling—consistently makes you feel unsafe, unloved, or distressed. This trauma typically involves a violation of trust and can manifest in later issues such as:

• Anxiety and hypervigilance in relationships

• Difficulty trusting others

• Emotional numbness or detachment

• Recurrent flashbacks or ruminating over past events (like infidelity)

• Low self-esteem and self-doubt

If you recognize these symptoms in yourself, you may have relationship trauma. It’s important to have an awareness of how that relationship affected you so that you can begin healing.

Allow yourself to grieve

Healing starts with letting yourself feel your feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they might be. It’s natural to feel anger, sadness, confusion, or even shame following a traumatic relationship.

Suppressing these feelings only stunts the healing process. Working to acknowledge and express your emotions will help you recover from their negative impact. Grief isn’t linear, so you shouldn’t force yourself to feel better immediately.

Reconnect with yourself

This type of trauma can make you lose yourself. If you were in a dysfunctional dynamic or your partner had an affair, you might be wondering who you really are. It’s important to rebuild a connection with yourself and your identity outside the relationship. Here are some ways to start:

• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness instead of self-criticism. Practice positive affirmations and set aside time for mindfulness each day.

• Dive into your interests: Engage in hobbies or activities you love. They remind you of what makes you unique and bring joy back into your life.

• Set boundaries with others: Learning to say no and protecting your emotional space is an act of self-respect that will make your new relationships healthier.

Challenge negative beliefs

Relationship trauma can lead to distorted ideas about yourself, such as “I’m unlovable” or “All relationships are unsafe and end in disaster.” These thoughts often come from the hurtful actions of other people, rather than any inherent truth about you.

Identify these beliefs and actively challenge them. For example, when you think, “I’ll never find a healthy relationship,” remind yourself of examples of people who have healed and found love after trauma. Journaling about times when you’ve been cared for or respected can also help reframe these negative narratives.

Focus on building a new narrative

Trauma doesn’t have to define you. As you move past this relationship, you’ll begin to craft a new narrative for your life—one that’s rooted in self-worth and your own resilience. Use affirmations like:

• “I deserve healthy, loving relationships.”

• “I am not defined by my past.”

• “I am capable of healing and thriving.”

• “I am the best person I can be each day.”

• “I am worthy, resilient, and strong.”

Surround yourself with supportive relationships

One of the most powerful ways to heal from relationship trauma is to maintain positive, supportive connections with other people. These relationships—whether with friends, family, or new romantic partners—remind you that not every person is out to hurt you.

Choose to invest time in people who validate your feelings, respect your boundaries, and encourage your growth. Over time, these healthy relationships can help rebuild your capacity for trust and intimacy.

Getting help

If you’re struggling with relationship trauma, some wounds might be too deep to tackle on your own. Trauma and relationship therapy can help.

You might benefit from therapeutic approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), somatic therapy, or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Reach out to us today to discuss a treatment plan for healing and learning to trust again.