In any relationship, good communication keeps partners connected, understood, and in sync. Still, we don’t always feel heard. If you’ve ever felt frustrated because your partner didn’t “get” what you were saying—or if you’ve been on the receiving end of that frustration—you know how easily conversations can go from connecting to disconnecting. This is why validation is so important. Here’s how validation can change how you communicate with your partner.

What is validation?

Validation means recognizing and affirming someone’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. It simply acknowledges that your partner’s perspective is real and meaningful to them. When you validate your partner, you’re saying, “I understand that this is how you feel, and it makes sense to me why you’d feel that way.”

This tells them that they matter to you and that their experiences are valued, which builds trust within the relationship. When validation is a regular part of communication, partners feel more connected and are more likely to work through disagreements constructively.

When validation is hard

Validation might sound straightforward, but sometimes it’s easier said than done. This is particularly true when emotions run high during a disagreement. Many people feel an urge to fix, explain away, or even dismiss their partner’s emotions when they don’t align with their own. For instance, if your partner feels anxious about a situation you see as minor, you might want to reassure them that “it’s not a big deal.” However, this can inadvertently invalidate their feelings, which leaves them feeling unsupported.

The challenge with validation is that it requires setting aside your perspective momentarily to step in your partner’s shoes. This means resisting the impulse to jump in with solutions or defend yourself, and instead, focusing on understanding their experience. With practice, validation can become a habit that makes conversations feel safer and more open.

How to validate your partner

• Actively listen to them: Begin by really listening to what your partner is saying without planning your response. Maintain eye contact, nod, and offer verbal encouragement to show you’re engaged.

• Acknowledge their feelings: Reflect their feelings back to them by saying something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated about…” or “I can see this has made you really upset.” This helps them feel understood while sharing their truth.

• Be empathetic: Even if you don’t fully understand why they feel the way they do, show empathy by saying, “I can see why you would feel that way” or “I understand how that would be tough for you.” Empathy tells your partner that you’re with them emotionally, which is far more reassuring than offering solutions.

• Avoid judging them: Resist the urge to question, criticize, or downplay their feelings. Saying, “I wouldn’t feel that way” or “You’re overreacting” dismisses their experience.

• Ask open-ended questions: To better understand their perspective, ask questions like, “Can you tell me more about what’s bothering you?” or “How does this make you feel?” This gives your partner the space to share more of their experience.

• Offer support, not solutions: Once you’ve validated their feelings, ask if they’d like support or advice before offering any solutions. Sometimes, your partner might just want to vent rather than hearing what you think they should do.

Validation as a long-term practice

Validation isn’t a one-time fix during a single conflict. Making validation a habit requires patience, empathy, and genuine effort. Start by implementing small changes in your day-to-day conversations, especially during emotionally charged moments.

If this is difficult for you or your partner, consider talking to a couples counselor. Dismissiveness, belittling, and contempt—the opposites of validation—are all signs of a relationship heading towards a split. In couples therapy, you can learn strategies for avoiding these communication pitfalls and become more supportive partners.

To learn more about couples counseling and how to validate your partner, please reach out to us.