Honesty is very important in a relationship. Infidelity can happen when you least expect it. In the beginning of your relationship, you may believe that you will always be faithful to your partner. But sometimes, we get caught up in the emotional thrill of things and may end up making a mistake.
Perhaps you were unfaithful following a bad fight you had with your partner or you felt something was missing or that you were bored. You let your emotions take over and acted on impulse with your feelings.
Whether to ease your conscious or repair the relationship (perhaps both), admitting to infidelity is hard. Keeping it to yourself might mean you avoid hurting your partner, but you risk it weighing on your conscious. It can also set a mental precedent that allows you to do it again or to be dishonest about other things.
While owning up to your infidelity may be painful for both of you, honesty is the best course of action.
What If It Was Just One Time?
Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is that you learn from them.
Even if you were unfaithful one time under particular circumstances, how you react is crucial. It will be painful for both of you, but many couples overcome single instances (or even multiple instances) of infidelity. If, up until this point, your relationship has thrived on trust and honesty, continued honesty goes a long way. It may take time and effort to rebuild trust, but it is possible.
How to Tell Your Partner You've Been Unfaithful
Admitting to infidelity is hard. You may be tempted to put it off or keep it to yourself. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but it's important to consider how this will impact your mental wellbeing and your relationship.
There's no ideal time to confess. But in a best-case scenario, make sure it's in private. This will give some sense of security and allow you both to be more open. Know that your partner will likely react with anger or sadness. Let them feel these things. They are hurt and need to express their emotions. Reacting with your own anger won't be beneficial.
Be ready to answer their questions honestly, because they will have questions. If you find yourself continuously tempted to be with other people, talk to your partner about that. It might be that you're someone who prefers open relationships or is experiencing something psychologically.
Your partner may need space after you break the news. Let them have it. They may want to sleep separately or stay at a friend or family's house.
What Comes Next?
Communication is key in fixing problems. While it may be hard to communicate effectively when the emotions are fresh, it's important to take some time to process, then come together and talk things over with a more level head.
Ask yourself why you were unfaithful. It may reveal unhappiness you weren't totally aware of in your relationship. If this is the case, communicate this to your partner. They can't help if they don't know how you're feeling. If this leads you to conclude that this isn't the right relationship for you, that's okay.
However, if you feel you made a mistake and do still want to be with your partner, consider individual and couples therapy. In individual therapy, you can revisit what happened and uncover some catalysts. You can learn better coping skills and how to better manage your impulses and emotions.
In marriage counseling, you and your partner can work together to overcome feelings of hurt, rebuild trust, and establish better communication. Let’s connect soon.