Good communication is the backbone of a successful relationship. However, many of us have experienced communication breakdowns at some point. While they’re normal, they still lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and sometimes the end of a relationship.
The good news is that communication breakdowns can be repaired (and even prevented) with the right strategies and mindset.
What does a communication breakdown look like?
Bad communication can show up in a few ways. Perhaps during conflict, you and your partner find yourselves rehashing the same arguments over and over. One person may also avoid conflict entirely and keep silent about their needs and concerns.
Some couples also engage in perpetual power struggles, where one person always has to be right and in control of things. These issues can show up during arguments but may eventually spill over into everyday communication. But don’t despair—these breakdowns in communication can be successfully remedied if both people are on board. Here are a few strategies you can practice for healthy communication.
Practice active listening
One of the fundamental pieces of communicating well is actively listening. Often, breakdowns happen when we fail to fully listen and understand what the other person is saying. To become an active listener, give your undivided attention, maintain eye contact, and show genuine interest in the conversation.
Avoid interrupting and resist the urge to formulate your response while your partner is still speaking. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and ask clarifying questions when you need more explanation.
Make use of body language
Healthy couples make a conscious effort to turn toward one another. As you practice actively listening to your partner, think about your body language. For example, avoid standing across the room. Physical distance can often translate into emotional distance.
Try not to fidget, check your phone, or gesticulate aggressively. One tip for particularly difficult discussions is to have them lying next to one another in bed or on the floor. It’s hard to let your emotions get carried away while lying down!
Schedule your conflicts
It might sound awkward at first, but if you know you’ll have a big conflict coming up, set aside time to talk about it. This gets you both into the problem-solving mindset.
If you’ve been having issues with your conversations getting tough and escalating quickly, scheduling your arguments can help mitigate that. You can also lay some ground rules, such as coming prepared with talking points and when to take breaks.
Let go of being right
Relationships need compromise. When both people become polarized, there’s little room for successful communication. Instead of needing to have the last word or come out of every conflict on top, find middle ground and allow for vulnerability. It’s okay to give in once in a while.
Show appreciation whenever you can
Verbal and bodily tokens of appreciation are meaningful methods of communication. Instead of waiting until you’re under the pressure of conflict to start communicating, find little ways of showing your partner you care about them. Make time for cuddling. Cook their favorite meal or pick up their favorite snack at the grocery store.
When you focus on small gestures, the big ones feel less scary.
See a couples counselor
It’s normal to struggle with communication every once in a while. If you and your partner are in a slump and nothing seems to be working, you may want to talk to a therapist. Therapy sessions will give you concrete guidance for repairing your communication with your partner.
Your therapist can pinpoint where your breakdowns in communication are happening and provide tailored strategies for your relationship.
To find out more about how marriage counseling can help you through your communication breakdown, please reach out to us.