When it comes to couples counseling, you might feel overwhelmed by the available therapeutic approaches. Among them, over the last several decades, the Gottman Method has emerged as an effective approach to healing and strengthening relationships.
Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this evidence-based method is grounded in over forty years of research and observation of thousands of couples. Its success has made it one of the most sought-after techniques in the field of couples therapy. But how does it help relationships?
Foundations of the Gottman Method
The Gottman Method is backed by a wealth of research that has enabled them to predict divorce with an accuracy rate of over 90%. Their long-term studies of couples identified key predictors of relationship failure, which they’ve called the “Four Horsemen” of destructive communication behaviors: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling.
These patterns erode trust and intimacy in relationships and are critical predictors of divorce. Their method provides specific antidotes to counteract these unhealthy behaviors and build empathy, understanding, and a deeper loving connection.
Rethinking Relationship Conflicts
Every relationship has its issues. You and your partner may butt heads about big things like parenting decisions, problems with in-laws, and where to live. You may also bicker about smaller day-to-day things. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you work through these issues quickly and compromise with one another.
But some relationship conflicts are perpetual, straining the connection you have with your partner. The Gottman Method teaches couples to approach conflict as an opportunity for growth and understanding, rather than a battle to be won. They prefer to use the term “conflict management” rather than thinking about conflict as an issue to be completely resolved. When you think about relationship conflicts as perpetual, you’re more likely to be open to compromise.
Building Emotional Intelligence
Recognizing and empathizing with one another’s emotions helps couples build a stronger connection and lets you embrace vulnerability in a safe, comforting way. The Gottman Method encourages couples to share their emotional worlds, which means expressing not just surface-level feelings but also your underlying feelings and needs.
Developing emotional intelligence promotes a deeper understanding of one another and enhances compassion in your relationship.
Showing Appreciation and Admiration for Each Other
In the Gottman Method, love maps refer to a partner’s knowledge about the other’s internal life and their dreams and aspirations. Cultivating love maps means staying updated on each other’s worlds and continually showing interest and curiosity in their thoughts. This knowledge strengthens the friendship between partners, fostering a deeper emotional connection.
The Gottman Method also places heavy importance on showing appreciation for one another. When you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, you counteract negativity and build a reservoir of good feelings for one another. Showing appreciation each day doesn’t need to be complicated. It can mean verbal affirmations, physically touching, and helping one another in small ways.
Is the Gottman Method Right for You?
People typically seek couples therapy when they’re at a breaking point. But you don’t need to be on the edge of separation to consider talking to a therapist. If you want to strengthen the bond between you and your partner and learn to manage your inevitable conflicts, the Gottman Method is a great approach. The Gottman Method is also helpful if you’re working through a big relationship issue such as infidelity, health problems, parenting disagreements, or grief. By embracing the Gottman Method, you can transform your relationship and create a solid foundation for a fulfilling partnership.
To find out more about how the Gottman Method can deepen your emotional connection, please reach out to us for marriage therapy.