Quarantine showed the world how important our environments are to our mental health. Even as we move toward more acceptance of those in the LGBTQIA+ communities, queer people were much more likely to isolate in damaging environments.
It’s still common for an LGBTQIA+ person to experience a non-affirming environment. You’re probably feeling a unique set of stressors and triggers when those around you won’t accept your sexuality. But remember: this too shall pass. Eventually, you will be able to build your own community spaces.
What is an affirming environment?
An affirming environment is one in which every individual recognizes and supports the identities of LGBTQIA+ individuals. Affirming environments are nurturing and healthy. Queer youth who grow up in affirming environments are at a lower risk of suicide and mental health issues.
Environments also exist on a spectrum between affirming and non-affirming. Non-affirming environments can range from simply ignoring queer identities or suppressing any discussions of them to open hostility and physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
If you’re living in a toxic environment that doesn’t affirm your sexuality, here are some strategies to help you cope.
Journal
It can be good for you to write down your thoughts and experiences. Putting a pen to paper can help you deconstruct what you’re going through. The process of journaling can also put you in touch with your emotions in an intimate way.
This type of self-discovery is crucial to understanding yourself and owning your identity. Make sure to keep your writing in a safe place, particularly if you live in an overtly hostile environment.
Find your interests
Allow yourself to get passionate about projects. If you like to cook, try out new recipes and get creative. If you like to knit, or want to learn, try to take on a challenging pattern.
When you work toward goals that are less about job productivity and more about nurturing yourself, you’ll feel fulfilled and secure in your identity.
Build a social circle
It’s important that you find at least one other person you can confide in. Having a confidant who can affirm your identity and recognize the struggles you’re going through will make you feel less alone.
One or a few people in your corner are much better than you facing this solo. It can feel easier to isolate than to reach out, but a support system is much more important.
Get online
All over the world, there are communities of LGBTQIA+ people living in non-affirming environments. One way to combat the oppressiveness you’re feeling is to find people to connect with who are going through the same thing you are.
Making these types of connections can give you the support you need to affirm your identity on your own. You might even find a mentor you can look up to and learn how they’ve overcome their struggles.
Keep your body healthy
Prioritize sleep, healthy eating habits, and exercise. When your environment is chaotic or unwelcoming, your body is the place where you have dominion.
Listen to your body’s needs and give it what it needs to grow. Make sure you’re moving intentionally, whether that’s through yoga or dancing or going on walks every day.
Find an affirming therapist
Seeking counseling is a healthy way of you advocating for affirmation. A therapist can help you navigate the stressful antagonizing world you’re living in. They can help you deconstruct your childhood, address your triggers and stressors, and help you more fully understand your sexuality and identity. Virtual therapy might be a good option if you live in an area with few queer-positive counselors available.
To find out more about how therapy can help you cope with your non-affirming environment, please reach out to me for gay men’s counseling.