Communication might be the most important aspect of a relationship. It’s what helps you connect, overcome conflict, and continue building your relationship. Being able to have open and vulnerable conversations with your partner is one of the best ways to increase relationship longevity. This is true for couples who are just getting to know each other and those who have been together for decades.
None of us are born with innate conflict resolution skills. And if you’re like most people in the world today, you probably had few positive role models in this field. Even if you didn’t grow up with the best role models, you can still learn how to talk to your partner. It just means having a little patience and compassion for one another.
3 Tips for Better Communication with Your Partner
As you implement these tips in your relationship, remember that this takes time. This is especially true if you’ve created toxic habits within your relationship. Rest assured, though, you have the power to change those habits and build a strong connection with the person you love.
1. Know What Poor Communication Looks Like
One way to make sure you’re working toward being a better communicator with your partner is to understand what poor communication is. We see a lot of these behaviors in the media. We might also have seen them growing up in the interactions our parents had with their spouses. Some methods of poor communication include:
Passive-aggressive communication: This usually involves making “jokes” about your partner’s behavior that are actually hurtful. Sometimes it can feel you’re expressing your frustration. In actuality, it’s miscommunication and doesn’t help resolve the main issue you’re having.
Aggressive communication: This method of communicating is a little easier to see. Defensiveness or hostility when talking to your partner is a red flag for toxic behavior. This might look like yelling, blaming, criticizing, interrupting instead of listening, or being controlling.
Ignoring issues: Avoiding conflict is common in couples. Especially if either of you grew up around toxic or constant conflict. Conflict avoidance feels safer, but it’s actually damaging. Positive and constructive communication is the best way to resolve conflict.
2. Process, Then Discuss
We’ve established that conflict avoidance is not the answer. However, running into a conflict while you’re feeling tumultuous is bad news, too. It’s extremely important for you to process your emotions first. This gives you the space you need to communicate constructively.
Going into a conflict hot-headed is a surefire way to create an all-out fight. Fights differ from simple conflict. Conflict is a disagreement. A fight is a toxic argument. When you’ve figured out how you feel, how you want to verbalize it, and how you think they can help, that’s when you talk to them.
3. Use I Statements
Using “I" statements when you’re talking about an issue helps you avoid placing blame. Instead of focusing on whose fault it is, using “I" statements helps you focus on how you’re feeling. While it might be tempting to say something like “You’re always working!” that can feel like an attack.
Using an “I" statement in this scenario sounds like, “I feel like I’m missing time with you. Can we try to take some time for us to spend together, just the two of us?” This is also an excellent strategy to use for setting boundaries. Whether they’re sexual, emotional, or physical boundaries, you can use phrases like, “I feel like I need more cuddle time with you,” or “I feel like I need some space right now.”
Having Trouble?
It’s a massive misconception that couples’ therapy is only for couples that have already reached talks of The D-Word. Healthy couples experiencing minor issues can benefit from therapy, too.
Addressing these issues sooner will help prevent them from becoming much larger problems. We can work together to build communication skills you’ll need to build a healthy relationship.
Click to learn more about how I can help.