“Love bombing” is what we call romantic behaviors that transform into manipulative dating practices. This usually involves one partner showering the other with attention, affection, compliments, and flattery. It all sounds good on the surface, so what’s the problem?
The problem is when the partner doing the love-bombing uses these behaviors to prove they’re the “perfect mate.” That kind of narcissism makes this a toxic practice. Here’s how to spot love bombing and what you can do to put a stop to it.
What Does Love Bombing Look Like?
One of the trickiest parts of identifying some toxic dating behaviors is how similar they can look to normal dating behaviors. All this “love” seems harmless at first. Then suddenly it morphs into something quite different.
Excessive Flattery and Attention
Especially if this is someone you’ve first met, excessive familiarity is a huge red flag. Some red flag phrases to watch for are:
I’ve never felt so close to anyone before.
You might be my soul mate.
I’ve wanted everything about you my whole life.
This might sound like it’s straight out of a romance novel, but remember, this person just met you. You’ve just started talking and getting to know one another. This kind of exaggerated flattery is a big signal to assert your boundaries if you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship.
Clinginess to a Point of Isolation
It’s natural for new couples to experience a kind of “honeymoon phase” (pre-marital, mind you.) The part that gets toxic is when you stop seeing anyone else. If your new love interest wants to spend all their time with you, you might think it’s sweet. And it might be, but if you’ve stopped seeing other friends or family members, watch out.
This might be the sign of a narcissist trying to isolate you from the other people in your life. If left unchecked, this can lead to extreme amounts of control. Though research is still sparse, psychiatrists have noticed a connection. Controlling someone’s social life from early on might plant the seeds for domestic violence.
Overboard Gifts
Exerting influence by giving you a ton of material things is another way love bombers can exert their influence. This is especially a red flag if their job and income don’t align with what they’re giving you. For example, let’s pretend you’re dating someone who works a customer service job at a call center.
They might make decent money, and a box of chocolates or a bouquet is one thing. If they decide to buy you a brand new laptop, fresh from the manufacturer, check that. Constant seduction through gifts can cloud your judgment. It becomes harder to understand when you’re overwhelmed and blinds you to potential danger.
How To Stop Love Bombing
If you’re feeling panicked about your current love interest, take a deep breath. We can work through this. You are not stuck in this relationship. You have control. Here are some steps you can take to stop a love bomber:
Set Boundaries: Limit your contact with them to keep yourself from falling for their manipulation. If they’re non-toxic, they’ll understand your need for distance, and you’ll be able to gain a more objective perspective about your relationship.
Seek Answers: Knowledge is power. Build your self-awareness and refine your social radar to learn the different ways people can manipulate your emotions. The best way to protect yourself is to go into a relationship informed of the potential flags.
Say Something: If you feel confident enough to talk directly to the love bomber without coming to harm, do so. Set the limits out in front of them and let them make their choice.
If you feel trapped, reach out to a loved one or to a professional therapist. We can help you escape a potentially toxic situation.