In every relationship, validation plays an important role in building trust and emotional support. To be good partners, we should all want to make our loved ones feel seen, heard, and understood. When both people feel validated, they’re more likely to communicate through conflict and have strong senses of self-worth.
Here are a few strategies for affirming your partner.
Practice active listening
Listening and paying attention to your partner is one of the most important ways of validating them. Be fully present when they speak with you. Put away distractions like phones or laptops, make eye contact, and engage them with your body language. Reflect back what you hear by restating what they said or asking follow-up questions for clarification.
Let’s say your partner tells you about an upcoming work project and that their boss is often emailing to follow up. When they finish, you might say, “It sounds like you’re really stressed about your job right now.” This not only shows you’re listening but also makes sure you understand what emotions are running underneath what they said.
Give empathetic responses
Acknowledging your partner’s feelings and letting them know you see them are also good ways to validate them. When your partner expresses their emotions, respond with empathy. Tell them you understand why they feel that way.
Avoid jumping to solutions or dismissing their feelings. Only offer advice when they ask for it—otherwise, just be there for them.
Ask open-ended questions
A big part of communication is keeping the conversation going. When your partner shares their experiences with you, don’t shut them down. Questions like “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think would help in this situation?” show that you're interested in their inner world and want to understand them better.
Asking doesn’t only show you’re willing to listen to them. These questions also give you the opportunity to collaborate on solutions to your problems, which will inevitably bring you closer together.
Share your own vulnerabilities
Validation is a two-way street. It’s important for you to talk about your feelings and experiences as well. When you share your inner world, it models for your partner what you’d like to see from them. It can also be an opportunity for you to tell them what you need to feel validated. By opening up, you can create a dialogue.
Show appreciation
Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Show your partner you value their feelings with tokens of appreciation and love. This could be as simple as giving them a hug, making their favorite meal, or taking over a chore they usually handle when you know they’re stressed.
If they’re going through a tough time, pay attention to what they might need most from you even if they don’t say it. These gestures show you’re willing to support them in tangible ways.
Be physically affectionate
Some people feel most loved and supported through physical touch. Whether you hold their hand as they talk through something difficult or you make it a habit to kiss them every morning, try making small gestures of physical intimacy an important part of validating and affirming them.
Are you struggling with communication?
When one or both partners aren’t feeling validated in a relationship, that can mean there’s a disconnect. If you’re struggling to remedy this communication issue on your own, perhaps it’s time to reach out to a therapist. In couples therapy, you can talk through your conflicts and discover better ways of validating one another. You’ll also learn ways to validate yourself, which can be just as important.
To find out more about how therapy can help you validate one another, please reach out to us.