It’s normal to feel protective of your partner. But when those feelings and behaviors turn into possessiveness, the relationship is in danger of becoming toxic, codependent, and potentially not worth saving. A healthy relationship needs boundaries and individuality to thrive. If you’re worried that overprotectiveness is a huge factor in your relationship, consider taking proactive steps to change it.

How does overprotectiveness harm your relationship?

It’s hard to maintain healthy boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for a relationship to thrive. When one person is overprotective, they violate the other person’s boundaries by preventing them from living their own life. In a relationship, it’s normal and necessary for each person to have their own hobbies, friends, and identity. Overprotectiveness steps over that by involving one person in the other’s private life.

Jealousy poisons a relationship

Feelings of insecurity typically fuel overprotective behavior. One person feels they are inadequate, so their partner could leave them for someone “better” at any moment. This makes the overprotective person try to prevent the other from living their life and making their own decisions. Over time, you’re feeding into feelings of resentfulness and bitterness, which turns into a vicious cycle. This will eventually cause you to rarely feel positive about one another.

Communication gets interrupted

When one person interrogates the other about every aspect of their private moments, the one being questioned will hide even more from their partner. An overprotective partner, by analyzing where they go, who they spend time with, and what their motivations are, will push the other person even further away. Communication shuts down from both sides—neither of you are engaging in active listening and being supportive of each other.

How to move past overprotectiveness

Get involved in each other’s social circles

Sometimes, jealousy and control issues pop up because one person simply doesn’t know who their partner is hanging out with. If you both make a concerted effort to get involved in each other’s friend groups, you’re eliminating that sense of the unknown. Bonding with each other’s friends is a great way to bring you closer together and enjoy interactions with others.

Communicate more

Communication is the bedrock of any successful partnership. When one person is overbearing and your communication shuts down, your relationship becomes stifled and claustrophobic. To overcome this, you should both engage in frequent check-ins. Making an effort to talk about your feelings often will make these conversations less scary. This is also a great opportunity to be specific about your boundaries and articulate your expectations for the relationship going forward.

Get to the root of the problem

These feelings of overprotectiveness come from somewhere. Talk with your partner about your past experiences. It’s possible the overbearing person grew up in an unstable home, lived through a relationship with infidelity issues, or has some other negative past experiences. This may contribute to them feeling a lack of control, so they try to exert it over others in their life.

Know when to leave

When someone’s boundaries are consistently disrespected, it’s okay to exit the relationship. There’s a difference between seeing the value in a relationship worth saving and talking endlessly about a problem that’ll never change. The overbearing person must make a sincere effort to change their behavior before the relationship can become healthy and fulfilling.

Can therapy help?

If you both recognize that one person’s overprotectiveness is a problem, there’s still time to fix the relationship. Marriage counseling might be a good option for you to work out your communication issues. You might even consider seeing a therapist together as well as solo, so the root of the overbearing behavior can be interrogated and dealt with. Reach out when you are ready.