Relationships don’t always come easy. Communicating well, building trust, and maintaining your identity all take work. Being a better partner requires self-awareness, which we don’t always have.
We’re often blind to our own shortcomings, which is why it’s important to check in with ourselves and with our partners. Here are a few questions you should be asking yourself when you want to ensure you’re the best partner you can be.
Are we connecting every day?
Healthy couples prioritize communication. They’re open about their feelings, goals, frustrations, failures, and day-to-day lives. Leaving all communication for the “big things” in life can be more stressful. When you only have discussions when you’re changing jobs or buying a new house or butting heads, then you’re not communicating as fluidly as you should be.
Ask yourself whether you’ve been checking in with your partner every day. Just a simple “How was your day?” can do wonders for a relationship.
How am I validating my partner?
Another way to ask this question is, “What am I doing to actively listen?” We all want to feel validated by the important people in our lives. Your partner wants to feel seen, supported, and understood. One of the best ways to do this is to actively listen.
When they communicate with you, give them attentive body language. Ask questions. Rephrase their main points. Let them know that what they have to say is valuable to you.
In what ways am I contributing to our home?
One of the most common ways a relationship gets neglected is through unequal division of labor. Even if one person stays at home while the other works, neither person isn’t working—especially if parenting is involved.
The partner who does most of the housework often feels burnt out and resentful if the other person simply expects food on the table and chores to be done. Check in with your partner about how they feel the house is running. Find areas where you could put in more work. Don’t force your partner to carry the load by themselves.
Do I know my partner’s love language?
Knowing what makes your partner feel the most cared for is one of the best ways to show you love them. Do they need physical touch at the end of a long day? Set them up with a nice bath and a massage afterward. Do they feel most loved with words of affirmation?
Tell them you’re proud of them and appreciate all they do. Knowing and engaging in your partner’s love language shows them you deeply care about who they are.
When did we last do something new?
Keeping the “spark” alive in a relationship is easiest when you prioritize having new experiences. It’s easy to fall into the rut of the daily routine. After work, you probably feel like eating and watching television. But when that happens day after day, your relationship can start to feel stagnant.
Rekindle your intimacy by doing one new thing a week. Go walk on a trail you’ve never been to. Try the hot new restaurant. Take a dance class together. You’ll build intimacy in the excitement of new experiences!
How can I communicate better?
Relationships go through ebbs and flows. Maybe you’re having trouble connecting with your partner. Or maybe you’re coming to the realization that you need to work on yourself so you can show up for them. You don’t need to go on that journey of self-discovery alone—consider seeking therapy.
Whether they’re individual or couples therapy sessions, a licensed therapist can help you better communicate and reframe your preconceived notions about the world. If you and your partner are struggling to find fulfillment in your relationship, therapy can be a good option.
To learn more about how couples therapy or marriage counseling can help you be a better partner, please reach out.