We see so many relationship tropes all throughout media. It’s in books, in movies, shows, and in our music. It’s an unfortunate truth that some of our traditional role models for relationships were maybe not the best.
Think of the last movie you saw with a romantic plot. The two antagonists likely went on an emotional rollercoaster before one of them changed to accommodate the other.
Scenarios like this in real life require compromise, not transformation. Our partner is an independent person with an independent personality, set of emotions, and a unique story. We honor that best when we drop the tropes. Look at some of the relationship habits we’ve normalized and a few ways you can alter the behavior.
“Normal” Relationship Habits That Are Actually Harmful
Being in a relationship with a person means having healthy boundaries and open communication. You can better set those boundaries by ditching some of these more “traditional” habits. By doing so, you’ll also increase your communication as you grow together.
Wanting to “Fix” Their Emotions
Seeking support and comfort in one another during a partnership is perfectly acceptable. It’s an important part of bonding with your partner on an emotional level. The other side of this, though, is understanding the difference between supporting your significant other and taking responsibility for their emotions.
It isn’t your job to fix how your partner is feeling. Just like you, they are allowed to feel negative emotions and need time to process them. Be supportive by being an active listener and giving them a hug. It’s okay to offer them a cup of tea, but don’t expect to “fix” how they’re feeling. Let them feel how they feel.
Expecting Fairness
The danger of expecting a relationship to always remain fair is it starts looking a lot like keeping a tab. If your partner cooks, you do the dishes. If you pick up the kids from school, your partner gets them on the bus in the morning. Fairness looks great on the surface, and splitting responsibilities in the best way you can is important.
It’s also worth noting that this you-do-I-do dynamic is very transactional. Meaning that you and your partner are dedicating too many brain cycles to keeping a scorecard for one another. Instead of focusing on fairness, try to focus on balance. When one of you feels overwhelmed, stay open to hearing how they feel. This is the first step to finding a compromise.
Dropping Hints
This is another huge media trope we see in almost every rom-com on the screen. Someone “dropping hints” to a person that they might be interested in them. Or maybe a character is “hinting” at her boyfriend that she wants him to propose. The problem with this methodology is that we don’t read minds.
Just because you’re hinting at something doesn’t mean your partner will pick up on it. It’s much healthier to communicate directly about how you’re feeling. If you think you need to take things to the next level to stay satisfied, make that a dinner conversation. If you’d like to go to a particular restaurant for your next date night, don’t hint, just ask.
Waiting to Find Help
There’s a stigma in psychology surrounding couples’ therapy. Too many people believe that couples’ therapy is only for couples who have gone nuclear. You don’t have to wait until you and your partner are fed up with each other to get help. Couples’ therapy is for healthy couples, too.
A certified therapist can help you and your partner bridge the gap between any communication issues. They can also help you find ways of working balance into your life in a way that honors your lifestyle. Reach out to a professional therapist about your relationship to build a stronger foundation together.
Click to learn more about Marriage Counseling.