For those in the LGBTQ+ community, embracing their identity can be a liberating journey. However, this process can be complicated by societal pressures, stigmas, and the ingrained beliefs that contribute to internalized homophobia. Understanding what internalized homophobia is and recognizing its signs are important steps towards self-acceptance.
What is internalized homophobia?
Internalized homophobia refers to the negative feelings, beliefs, and biases that an LGBTQ+ person may unconsciously have about their own sexual orientation and/or gender identity. These feelings stem from societal messages that label non-heteronormative identities as inferior, immoral, or unnatural.
While external homophobia is easier to identify—since it’s overt prejudice—internalized homophobia can be completely silent. The shame and guilt of internalized homophobia shape a person’s self-perception and their interactions with others.
Signs of internalized homophobia
It can be hard to identify internalized homophobia because it can present as other mental health issues, like generalized anxiety or low self-esteem. Here are some common signs to watch for:
Self-criticism and shame about identity
Many people with internalized homophobia struggle to fully embrace their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. They may feel ashamed of who they are and believe that their identity is something they should hide or fix. This shame can manifest as:
Negative self-talk related to their identity
Avoidance of LGBTQ+ spaces or conversations
Feeling “less than” because of their orientation or identity
Distancing from LGBTQ+ communities
A person grappling with internalized homophobia might not want to be associated with LGBTQ+ culture. This might include avoiding pride events, rejecting friendships with other queer, or refusing to engage with media or literature that celebrates queer identities. This distancing reflects a deep-seated discomfort with their own identity.
Signing on to negative stereotypes
Internalized homophobia can lead to adopting negative beliefs about LGBTQ+ people, including one’s own identity. For example:
Believing that LGBTQ+ relationships are less valid or meaningful than heterosexual ones
Viewing gender nonconformity as “wrong” or “unnatural”
Perpetuating the idea that being LGBTQ+ is a just a phase that can be left behind
Difficulty forming authentic relationships
Internalized homophobia often stops someone from forming and keeping up healthy relationships, with both straight and queer people. A person might:
Put up emotional walls out of a fear of rejection
Feel insecure romantic or platonic relationships since they can’t show who they really are
Engage in self-sabotaging behaviors by pushing others away or doubting a partner’s love
Seeking validation through heteronormativity
Some people may try to conform to society’s dominant heteronormative standards in an effort to “blend in” and gain societal acceptance. This can include:
Suppressing their true identity
Entering relationships or marriages with opposite-sex partners despite their orientation
Avoiding expressing affection for same-sex partners in public
Constantly monitoring their own behavior
Mental health challenges
Internalized homophobia takes a huge psychological toll. It often results in mental health struggles including:
Anxiety and depression
Low self-worth and self-esteem
Persistent feelings of guilt
Self-loathing
Substance abuse
Self-harm
Suicidal ideation
What causes internalized homophobia?
Internalized homophobia is often rooted in societal, cultural, and familial influences. Growing up in an environment that marginalizes LGBTQ+ identities can instill biases that are hard to confront. Also, exposure to negative media portrayals, anti-gay and anti-trans laws, and religious teachings can reinforce the idea that being LGBTQ+ is “wrong.” When someone doesn’t have a positive role model or see affirming narratives of LGBTQ+ people, they struggle to see their identity as valid and worthy of celebration.
Getting help
If you’re struggling to live authentically due to internalized homophobia, consider therapy. Working with a queer-affirming therapist can provide a safe space to explore feelings of shame, self-doubt, and self-loathing. You’ll also discover ways of affirming your own identity and building a supportive community.
Schedule a consultation with us today to begin developing a healthier relationship with your identity.