Have you ever felt like part of you wanted to take a risk, but another part holds you back in fear? Internal family systems (IFS) therapy helps us understand these different “parts” inside us so we can heal and feel more comfortable with our inner world. IFS sees the mind as a collection of different subpersonalities—each with its own feelings and goals. Learning to listen to and work with these parts helps us heal.
The basics of IFS
IFS is based on a few ideas:
We all have different parts: Instead of being just one “self,” we have different parts inside us, all with their own thoughts and emotions.
Our true Self is wise: Beneath all these parts is the Self, which is calm, confident, and capable of helping us heal.
All parts have good intentions: Even the parts that cause us stress, like self-doubt or anxiety, are actually trying to protect us.
No part is bad: Instead of pushing away difficult feelings, IFS helps us understand and care for them.
Healing comes from listening to our parts: When we recognize, understand, and support our parts, we can heal our emotional wounds.
Understanding the different parts in IFS
IFS divides inner parts into three main categories:
1. Managers
Managers are proactive parts that try to keep us safe and keep our lives under control. They often enforce high standards, create structure and prevent us from experiencing emotional pain. Common manager roles include:
The Perfectionist, who ensures everything is done correctly to avoid criticism
The Inner Critic, who tries to prevent failure or rejection by pointing out flaws
The Caretaker, who puts other people’s needs before our own to maintain relationships
2. Firefighters
Firefighters emerge when pain or trauma threatens to surface. Their goal is to distract, numb or extinguish emotional distress. These parts often engage in impulsive or escapist behaviors, such as:
Overeating or undereating
Substance use
Overworking
Dissociation
Risky behaviors
3. Exiles
Exiles are the most vulnerable and wounded parts of us. These parts carry deep-seated emotional pain, often from childhood wounds or past traumas. They typically hold feelings of shame, rejection, abandonment and/or fear. Because their pain is intense, managers and firefighters work hard to keep them suppressed. However, healing requires reconnecting with and comforting these exiled parts.
How IFS therapy works
IFS therapy helps people connect with their inner parts in a structured and compassionate way. Here’s how the process works:
Identify and acknowledge parts: The therapist guides clients to recognize different parts of themselves and how these parts influence their thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
Separate from the parts: Clients learn to step back from their parts and view them from the perspective of the Self, rather than becoming overwhelmed by them.
Get curious and compassionate: Instead of judging or resisting their difficult emotions, clients are encouraged to approach their parts with curiosity and compassion. They’ll also try to understand their roles and intentions.
Build a relationship with parts: Once trust is established, clients can engage in a dialogue with their parts while offering them reassurance and validation.
Heal exiled wounds: When parts feel safe, exiles can express their pain and receive comfort from the Self, which allows old wounds to heal.
Integrate and reorganize: As parts feel heard and healed, they take on healthier roles, which leads to stronger internal harmony and emotional health.
Who can benefit from IFS?
IFS can be helpful for those with a variety of mental health issues, including:
Anxiety disorders
Depression
Post-traumatic stress disorder
Phobias
Perfectionism
Substance abuse
Chronic illness
Are you ready to try IFS?
Whether you’ve been struggling with your mental health or you just want to better understand your emotional world, contact us today. By working with a trained IFS therapist, you can become more familiar and compassionate with your inner parts. Ultimately, you’ll learn why you respond to the world the way you do, and find more emotional harmony.