The stereotypes and stigmas surrounding therapy drive many people away from the help they need. This is especially true for men. The rhetoric around therapy and men is often harmful and masks the genuine issues at hand. Statistics show men are less likely to seek help for mental illness than women.
This is more clear than ever when we look at the statistics surrounding suicide. Men are nearly four times more likely to commit suicide than women. When we break down why the statistics tell such a devastating story, at the heart of much of it is toxic masculinity.
Starting when they are young boys, men hear that showing emotions and vulnerability are signs of weakness.
What is toxic masculinity?
Toxic masculinity is the cultural pressure for men to act in a certain way. “Manliness” is defined as aggressive, dominant, and often, homophobic. It’s the notion that being tough and avoiding showing emotion should be the norm, but this is actually very harmful to someone’s mental health. That’s why we call it “toxic” masculinity.
Toxic masculinity has three general components:
Power: men should always work to get social, financial, and physical status to gain respect.
Toughness: a “man” is strong, unemotional, and aggressive.
Anti-feminine: men reject everything “feminine.” Think asking for help or showing emotion.
Why is therapy seen as not manly?
Because of how ingrained toxic masculinity is in our social systems, symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems are viewed as inherently weak. It maintains that men should be uncomfortable talking about their feelings. Conversations about solving emotional issues are off-limits, and this creates a situation ripe for isolation and avoidant behaviors.
Now, bearing all this in mind, asking a man to go to therapy is asking him to confront this social stigma. Not only that, but it’s asking him to confront it while, hypothetically, lying on the couch spilling their guts to a therapist (stranger.) We can see how this pervasive standard in our society demonizes therapy for men.
How to ask for help
If left unaddressed, depression, anxiety, and other issues that arise for men can quickly turn into substance abuse and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Any adjacent relational problems and traumas can then worsen. Asking for help takes some bravery, but it can be done.
Look at it as an opportunity to fight back
There’s a saying in the mental health world: Start where you are. If you feel like the stereotypes of masculinity are in your way, look at it like a way to fight back.
There is a common fear in men that seeking help will make them look weak. Push back against the idea that you can’t receive help by being weak, and find the ways you can take strength from support. Share that experience with the people around you so you can normalize what mental health looks like for men.
Don’t make it about you
Consider joining a group of like-minded individuals and furthering the idea that it’s okay to ask for help. For instance, if you’re struggling with substance abuse, find a group therapy session with others experiencing similar things.
You can use this as an opportunity to help others by sharing your own experiences. Masculine culture frequently paints a picture of men saying they should be heroes. Own that, and let your traumas inform other people’s recovery.
Accept that you aren’t alone
There are others in the world who have had similar experiences as you. Therapists study these experiences for years to better understand how to help the people who have been through them.
You can battle depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues, but you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to your friends, family, and a certified therapist and retake control of your emotional self. Leave toxic masculinity behind.
Contact us to see how men’s counseling could help you.